Happy New Year, Ladies!
I hope that every one's holidays were fun, festive, and full of joy. I was so happy to be able to see many of you and catch up over my week-long winter break. Also, thanks to those of you who wished me luck on my concert or asked how it went. Last I blogged, I was a bit of an emotional wreck over the whole thing, but I am so happy to report that it was a huge success- possibly my best concert yet. And... I didn't cry! I really relished the entire experience and I couldn't stop smiling the entire night- even long after I was settled on my couch with my hubby, my sister, and my Panera in anticipation of a full day of baking Christmas cookies ahead. What a fabulous start to the holidays. Once the concert was over, I felt a very strong sense of peace and calm. I felt truly proud and grateful for what I have accomplished thus far in my career, but also felt like it was an appropriate place to end this chapter of my life (or at least to put a bookmark in there for awhile!).
Only adding to this blissful feeling was what happened on the following Friday, when the high school chorus came to visit and perform for my choir. This is always one of my favorite days of the year, as the high school choir is made up primarily of my former students. It is such a celebration- to see how they've changed, to hear how they and their families are- it truly is one of the highlights of my school year. This year was no different- my little angels are all grown up (or feeling like they are all grown up, in some cases) driving cars, thinking about college and in general making me feel old! Word had spread about my pregnancy and these teenagers were so excited about the prospect of me becoming a mom. In fact, a large group of them chipped in and bought me a gigantic basket filled with beautiful baby things. It was over-whelmingly touching to see this collection of onsies, sippy-cups, pacifiers, stuffed animals, blankets knit by moms, and especially the hand-written notes from these amazing students, who, are really still children themselves, but were able to think on such an adult level to give a gift like this. The elation that day added to my sense of closure. After 10 years, it is time for a new adventure. I was one proud mama, in many senses of the word, that day.
Holiday festivities commenced immediately after school on the 23rd, and in many ways Ivan and I felt like we didn't get a chance to sit down until very late Christmas night. There was much entertaining and visiting and we were left completely exhausted and contemplating how our Christmas traditions will need to change next year- as we imagine that things will not be getting any easier with Baby H around! Joining families together can be difficult- especially when it comes to emotionally charged issues like family traditions. I know that in my own family, we have had a dramatic change in our "typical" Christmas since our business closed and simultaneously our family started to expand. These are happy problems to have though- how blessed are we to have so many people to see and love. That being said, I had to sleep for the majority of the day on Monday just to feel human again, so we know that we will need to alter the "where" and "when" of seeing everyone with the baby for Christmas.
In the craziness of the holidays, a couple of baby things happened that would have received a lot more attention had they occurred on say, just a boring old Tuesday, but were almost overlooked due to the running around.
1. My belly really popped! I mean, I had had a bump before, but even my mom had to admit that it grew over the course of the week (and not just from the TONS of holiday goodies I consumed- and I do mean tons). Non-maternity pants are out of the question, and therefore, a little shopping has ensued. I have to say, my shape looks quite cute, but I have to laugh when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror sometimes. It is just so foreign looking- but I love it! Even after those nights of stuffing myself beyond belief and looking in the mirror at my bloated tummy thinking, "This is what it will look like when I'm pregnant" couldn't have prepared me for this new shape.
It was so fun to see my best friend from childhood over the break, since we haven't seen each other in a couple of months. She was so excited to see how my belly had expanded and she gave one of her classic dramatic and audible gasps when she saw me. And when I showed her the top of my maternity pants when she asked if I was wearing regular pants she nearly died. I have to say, the huge stretchy panel which extends past your rib cage is quite shocking when you haven't seen them before. I told her how I never want to go back to regular button -up pants and she said, "Oh no, you're going back."
uber-embarrassing to admit this, but there was a period of time, maybe 7 years ago or so, that I was working out twice a day and eating very little and I would go into the bathroom between periods at school, lift up my shirt and check out my stomach situation. That sounds so sick as I read it back to myself. But, it is true, and even though it has been years since I've been that obsessed with having a flat tummy, my abs are still one of those spots on my body on which I focus most.
So, it is a happy surprise that I feel absolutely no guilt or frustration about this rapidly growing bump- it looks so cute. And to get really detailed: Now matter how much Pilates I did or how few carbs I ate, I always felt like my upper abs were a little lumpy- there is just a little too much skin there. Enough so that when I was comparing my body to that of a 5'11", 105 lb. Victoria's Secret model (which we all know is a completely healthy activity) I would feel bad. Well, these days I am blessing that extra bit of skin, because it is expanding beautifully and I don't have one stretch mark to speak of as of yet. But you know what? I think that even if I do get them I won't mind in the least- all of this cosmetic stuff seems so extremely trivial in the face of having a baby.
2. Baby H is a-kickin' up a storm! Now the size of an ear of corn, he or she is super active! Until a week ago, Ivan's frustration would grow each day when I'd tell him of all of the movement, but despite his best efforts he could feel nothing outside my belly. Then, during the Rutgers Bowl game (Baby H is a big fan), my mom actually saw my belly move from across the room after a particularly strong kick. She had been staring it down, and Baby H blinked first. As soon as Ivan got to Zandar's apartment where we were cheering on our team, I had him feel and lo and behold, he felt it! He jiggled my belly a little bit and Baby H answered with a strong kick to his hand. My mom and brother felt it as well and on New Year's Day, Zandar and Cecelia joined in the fun. When Zandar slept over this past Wednesday, she saw a strong pulse in my belly and said, "That baby just kicked you!" quite indignantly.
This has been happening throughout each day now- especially when I sit down to relax. I have read about how the mommy's movement will lull the baby to sleep. It has become predictable now that when I finally collapse on the couch after work for some much needed relaxation and Bravo TV, Baby H bounds into action. Most days I laugh out loud from the visible jumps in my belly that even some students have noticed at this point. It's difficult to describe what it feels like when asked. It's almost like a strong stomach flip when you are nervous, but truthfully, it's like nothing else I've ever felt- it's unmistakably "baby."
In addition to the bodily happenings, today I officially submitted my maternity leave letter. I guess at some point I had to publicly acknowledge the fact that come the end of April, I won't be able to do my job anymore. I've been living in just a little bit of denial, but with my student teacher starting this week, it's almost time to loosen my (death?) grip on the reigns.
So, between my letter submission, curvy new shape, the constant internal prodding, and our growing collection of toys and teeny, tiny baby clothes, it's seems there's no denying... this is ACTUALLY happening. And I think it's going to happen before I know it. With just a little more than 15 weeks to go, it's easy to get overwhelmed with all there is to do... shopping, painting and setting up the nursery, maybe reading a book about child care or two... I know it will go by in the blink of an eye. I at once can't wait and want to tell Baby H to stay put for awhile longer, so we can be "ready." But I guess you're never ready- are you? :)
No comments:
Post a Comment