I had, a long time ago, resigned myself to the fact that after having a baby, I would never wear a bikini again. I just told myself, "Hey, you will have had your fun and now you can wear those one-pieces with the little skirts that you think are so cute." (This is not sarcastic. I am highly anticipating my first skirted one-piece. Judge if you'd like, I'm getting one.) Anyway, I had always thought that this was the way of the world and I had really prepared myself for it. The week after finding out I was pregnant, I happened to be spending the week at my awesome aunt's awesome shore house in Wildwood and I distinctly remember beginning to mourn the loss of the bikini wearing days as I let the news sink in. But then I got to thinking- I actually know quite a few ladies who have gotten themselves back into shape or into even better shape, post-babies.
Case No. 1: Last summer I went to the beach with one of my best friends, who has requested to be called LadyBird, and one of her childhood friends, whom I also consider my own friend after having many hilarious hang-outs with LadyBird. Well, Friend of LadyBird also brought her then 4 year old daughter. Now, Friend of LadyBird always looks great, but when she took off her coverup to show off her bangin' beach bod in a bikini, I began awkwardly staring at her as though I were some meat-head on the beach in Belmar in a muscle T instead of her friend on the beach in Long Branch in a bikini that didn't look nearly as good as hers did. I seriously was in awe. But. of course, Friend of LadyBird has always been the body anomaly. I had once marveled at her super-toned arms as she ate 4 homemade, deep-fried doughnuts covered in cinnamon-sugar. But then there's...
Case No. 2: I have a very dear friend from work. Let's call her Helena Bonham Carter. By all figuring, we shouldn't be friends... we differ drastically in religious and political views, our thoughts about scary movies (she loves them, I would sooner die), and our ideals of style. (Case in point, as she is reading this right now she is beside herself with thrill that I am equating her to Helena Bonham Carter, as this is probably the person in the world whom she would most like to be for a day, whereas, clearly, I'd be Gwen Stefani. But yet again I digress.) However, through 10 years of eating lunch together- the birth of her son, my wedding and C's birth, and countless commiserations on life, she has become one of my closest confidants and dearest girlfriends. She is the most empathetic person I know- sometimes she can't take listening to one of my stories because she starts to get heart palpitations for me... she's pretty awesome.
Anyway, a couple of summers ago, Zandar and I met HBC at the beach for a little Midsummer's Day Gossipfest. We were waiting for her on the boardwalk, scanning the crowd for someone in a huge, black, flowing caftan and maybe a matching black tattered parasol. You can imagine my utter shock when HBC hopped out of her car, in a rainbow-hued bikini top with matching cover-up, showing off her tanned skin and some of the best abs I've ever seen in person. Granted, at work HBC prefers to wear long skirts, flowy tops and her style undulates between "peasant-chic" and "goth girl" from day to day, so to see her in bright colors was shock enough, but she had also lost a ton of baby weight, and where she had never looked even close to big- she now looked supermodel fit. She is blushing reading this, but it's true.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that women were bouncing back post-baby faster and better than I ever thought possible. Another one of my best friends, also a mom, B, rocked a half marathon and a bikini last year. My idol, the orchestra director from my school and close friend, runs 5 miles before school 4 days a week and she has 3 kids. She looks amazing. Other teachers have come back to school looking like, "Baby? What baby?" I began to think that I might be able to bounce back like they had, but I wasn't quite sure how I'd do it.
I distinctly remember asking my school friend idol from above how long she had waited to start exercising post-pregnancy. I had read that you should wait 6 weeks and to me that seemed crazy. "Six weeks, " she told me. "You're going to need six weeks." "I just know myself and I'm going to go crazy mentally if I don't work out for 6 weeks," I had said, stupidly. I had even printed out a daily schedule for myself and the baby for the first 8 weeks that included me waking up before the baby and doing Yoga. What a complete fool. (My mom had looked at the schedule, smiled, tilted her head to the side and said, "Well, it's nice to have goals.") As I told you in my Recovery post, there was no working out during those first 6 weeks. I was spending the majority of the time with an icepack down my pants wondering if I would ever sleep again. I took C on a few walks, but that was the extent of my "workout schedule."
However, as I healed up and C started sleeping more, I decided that I was ready to resume exercising. Six weeks had passed since I delivered and even though my checkup at the OBGYN wasn't until the next day, I decided that I would start my post-natal boot camp DVD workout the Monday after the 6 week mark. Things were going just fine- it actually was a relief to be moving my body without the weight of a huge bump in front of me- until I had to do jumping jacks. I began jumping and instantly something was wrong- down there. I gasped and thought, "Oh no! I must be bleeding! I ripped a stitch!" I ran to the bathroom to assess the damage and was perplexed to find not a drop of red anywhere to be found. As you've no doubt figured out, I had peed on myself. Significantly.
I wish I could tell you that this was a one-time occurrence. Sadly, it was not. As I pushed myself through the 12 weeks of post-natal bootcamp, I peed on myself Every. Single. Day. Now when I do Zumba, I have to wonder if the puddle around me is really all just sweat. For all of the Kegal exercises I did (hundreds a day!) pre-baby, I can't even find those muscles now. Sometimes I'm not even sure of what's happening. A few times this summer, standing in my mom's pool, I'd look at Zandar with a pathetic look on my face and say, "I think I might be peeing..." It's really horrifying.
The bottom line is that I did get back into a bikini by this past summer. My body is a product of several things, some of which I'd recommend and some that I wouldn't. Here is my prescription for getting beach-ready, post-baby.
1. Exercise during pregnancy if your doctor allows.
I must be quite clear though that I did NOTHING the entire first trimester. During that time, every book, magazine, and website I read was recommending 30 minutes of exercise every day for pregnant women. "What do you know?!?" I'd yell indignantly at the page, with my mouth full of cookies. I have never been as tired in my life than I was in that first trimester. It's just something about growing a person... it's hard work I guess. So, I say, give yourself a break that first trimester. There's always time to start up when you're (hopefully) feeling better. I was able to work out regularly for the 2nd and 3rd trimester and I truly think it helped with labor and I know it helped with the weight loss.
2. Exercise after pregnancy.
Really inspiring, right? But, sigh, it's true. Unfortunately, there's no magic pill. The good news is that if you work out through your pregnancy, it will be easy to start up again- and your body is used to supporting another human, so just little ol' you is no sweat!
3. Breastfeed.
Now, I would never, ever impose my breastfeeding thoughts on someone else. It is an extremely personal choice that has a lot of emotion tied up in it. Everyone should choose what is right for her. I'm just saying that when you're trying to lose weight, 500 calories a day burnt away just by feeding that baby is pretty sweet. (A word of warning- while breastfeeding, I could eat anything and not gain weight. It was like a super power. But this power only lasts as long as you breastfeed. When you stop breastfeeding right before the holidays and continue to eat like a manimal, you end up not being able to breathe in you previously loose jeans while you try to write your blog in January.)
4. Completely go into shock after having your baby and barely eat anything for 4 weeks.
Okay, this is the NOT recommended part. But it is kind of what happened to me. Now, you girls know me, and you know mama likes her food. Seriously, this girl likes to eat. But something dreadful happened those first few weeks home- I, for the first time in my life, had NO appetite. Everything tasted like cardboard to me. I ate because I knew I had to, especially since I was breastfeeding, but I didn't enjoy it. It was actually quite shocking to me. I distinctly remember Ladybird visiting in the first weeks, bringing over this exquisite lunch, complete with delicious cupcakes for dessert, and there I was- on the couch, with a heating pad on my boob because I had a clogged milk duct, fighting off a fever, trying to choke down this cupcake to be polite. I have never met a cupcake that I didn't like and this story still makes me sad. I want a do-over with that cupcake. Again, this step is not recommended.
5. Lower your expectations (just a little).
It's nice to have goals (as my mom said) but be realistic. I know I'll never look just like I did pre-C, nor would I want to. I wear my body like a badge of honor- she helped make it.
So, that's how I did it. I've had some random people tell me, "I saw your FB photo of you in the bikini. I hate you" or "You're so lucky." The truth is, it took hard work to get it to where it is (or, let's face it- was- before Thanksgiving. But I bet it would make those people feel better to imagine that sometime shortly before or after that photo was taken, I was peeing on myself. And they probably wouldn't be that far off. Everything comes with a price.
