I am definitely one of those girls who began planning her own wedding right around the time when I could fully appreciate what one actually was. I went through countless phases of colors for the bridesmaids and of course the groom was always one of a constant rotation of movie stars, musicians or an of- the moment boyfriend or crush. As the years progressed, the "perfect" setting changed, the "perfect" flowers evolved, the style of my "perfect" gown altered. All of this was done with the happy innocence of non-commitment. So the finality of that day being the ACTUAL day was over-whelming. I was truly thinking, "This is my wedding dress. I will never have another one. Do I even like it? It doesn't matter, because this is it."
I don't think I really settled down or appreciated the moment until Ivan and I were saying our vows. Looking into his eyes, I'd never been so sure of anything in my life. It didn't matter what dress I was wearing, what music was playing, or what the flowers looked like. I was completely present and utterly happy. From that moment on, I savored every second of the day- the people, the dancing, the colors- and the memories are forever etched in my memory and heart.
I've been thinking about my feelings on the first part of that day lately because I'm afraid that I may be doing the same thing now in my pregnancy. I am so anxious for that next step- for the baby to be bigger, to start to prepare the nursery, for the baby to get here already that I am not fully experiencing the pregnancy. Right now it seems like it is dragging on forever, but I know that in retrospect it will feel like the blink of an eye, and I'd better start appreciating all of the small moments. Even though this (God willing) won't be the only time I am pregnant, I am finally realizing that I need to enjoy the blessing of being pregnant throughout the process.
A week and a half ago, the impetus for this change in thinking occurred. I was sitting at my desk at work, during my prep period, when I felt a small flutter in my lower abdomen. My heart almost stopped, because I had been anticipating feeling this movement of my little Baby H for weeks. I was nervous that I could be mistaking gas for his or her "hello," but sure enough, several seconds later, there it was again. Tiny little bubbles of movement, that, had they been higher- up in my tummy, would have indicated nerves. But they were low and unmistakable- life within me. Tears stung my eyes as Baby H continued his or her sporadic dance over the next 15 or 20 minutes. I called Ivan, my mom, Zandar. I chatted over Google with my brother and friends. I texted Cecelia. I sat in awe, and spoke to my little gymnast, "Is that you? I've been waiting for you to say, 'hello'! I love you so much!"
I could have sat there and experienced that feeling forever, but alas, babies are sleepy creatures, and not only did the movement not last long, but the reprises have been few and far between. Each time it happens, though it feels magical, and I stop whatever it is I am doing and bask in the glow of very early motherhood.
My little mango-sized friend has also caused another first- the appearance of an actual baby bump! It seemed to happen overnight- a roundness to my belly that is not "suck-in-able". Down below my belly button feels really round and hard. I know that's where the baby is, and I guess that the uterus pushes everything else up, because my upper abdomen is also round, but soft and cushy. There really is no mistaking the fact that I'm expecting now, except for in just a couple of outfits.
Speaking of a couple of outfits- that is all I have left, from a non-maternity standpoint. Especially when it comes to pants, I have one pair of non-maternity dress pants and two pairs of non-maternity jeans that fit. It makes dressing for work a creative struggle. I'm never one to complain about shopping though!
As I'm embracing my pregnant self, it's hard not to notice society embracing me. I'll tell you, for the most part, everyone is nice to you when you've got a baby bump. Co-workers who previously had barely said, "hello," are striking up long conversations. I get smiles and questions from people at the gym. I wish people in other cars could see that I am pregnant while I'm driving, because I surely wouldn't get cut off as often. I think it's part of God's great plan that while you may be miserable for parts of your pregnancy, people won't be quite as jerky. I don't know if it's a completely fair trade-off, but it's certainly nice!
So, in conclusion, these are happy times. I might even try to embrace the terms "preggo" and "preggersI'm learning to soak up every bit of this amazing period of my life and cherish it for what it is. On the radar of my life, pregnancy is a mere blip, as far as length of time, and a skyrocketing jump as far as blessings. To that end, I've composed this list:
Top 10 Reasons Why Being Pregnant Rocks
10. You pretty much can eat delicious snacks all the time and blame your grossness on the baby.
9. You have a pretty good excuse to blog and basically vent to people about your life, and some of them are even interested!
8. As I mentioned before, people are super-nice! When I get even bigger I may go to the city and ride the subway just to see how many people will offer up their seats!
7. You can wear leggings every single day and no one will judge you. At least not out loud.
6. Maternity pants are way comfortable. I honestly don't see how anyone would ever go back to actually having to zipper and button up jeans. Yuck. Not to mention, they are expandable, to accommodate the baby and aforementioned snacking.
5. My students have become quite protective of me and the baby. Whenever kids in class are misbehaving, without fail another student will say something to the effect of, "Stop it! You're stressing her out! Pregnant ladies can't get stressed out!!" And I stoically agree with them.
4. Your heightened sense of smell lets you know that there are snacks around a few seconds before everyone else, so you can get to them first.
3. Even if you don't officially have "the glow," you find yourself smiling constantly, maybe for no reason at all.
2. Ivan is the doting daddy-to-be. The way he looks at me and talks to the baby through my tummy are the most romantic things I've ever experienced.
1. No matter how bad your day is, at the end of it, you have a little life inside of you that doesn't mind that you had to sit in traffic for an hour, barely got to sit all day, or made a mistake at work. All he/she cares about is that you are nice and warm and comfortable inside for him or her, and thinks you're just great because of that.
Of course, this is just a silly list of my observations, but I'd love to hear your additions! You mommies out there- let me know what your favorite part of being pregnant was and I will include them on a future post. Alternatively, if you'd like to share with me your least favorite part of being pregnant, I bet those would make for great accompaniments to a future list that I will undoubtably write during my third trimester!
Until then, wish us luck at our 20 week ultrasound on Monday! Can't wait to fill you in!
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