Today I am officially 8 weeks pregnant and I thought it might be fun to blog about the experience of becoming a parent for the first time. Hopefully, friends and family with whom I don't speak as often as I'd like can get updates here, and at the very least this might be fun for the grown-up baby to read someday!
Since the blog is public, I'll refer to myself only as "B" and my husband has requested to be called "Ivan." That shouldn't be weird or anything. So try not to be too distracted by his choice of name- it is us, and hopefully some of our thoughts and actions described will reassure you of that!
So, I'll start with a little backstory on how we came to find out that our lives were about to change forever.
The morning of August 14, I woke up groggy after hosting our annual bbq for our friends the night before. In our typical "Squeeze-in-as-much-as-possible-to-every-waking-hour-style," Ivan and I had scheduled the party for the night before a family vaction to the Jersey Shore and we had just a few hours to pack up and ship out. In the meantime, we had at least four house guests sleeping in various parts of our home, as we do throw a rousing party, if I do say so myself. I had partaken in my fair share of white wine but was able to wake up easily enough around 8:30 am- pretty impressive for me. As I ran the shower, I noted once again that my monthy "friend" had not arrived yet. (Why do we call it that by the way? Anything that puts us through that kind of torture on a regular basis is most assurdedly our enemy and should be treated accordingly) . And so, knowing that our vacation in Wildwood would be a week-long cocktail party, albeit with breakfast cereals as the hors' ovueres, I decided to take one more test, just to be sure.
You see, I had taken a test earlier that week, and one the week previous and both had been negative. In an attempt to spare you details I'm sure you're in no hurry to learn, I will put it this way: Ivan and I had stopped "being careful" during a time of the month when I thought we'd be free and clear. However, as a girl who has been trained to think that unprotected eye contact with a man would lead to pregnancy, I had taken these two previous tests just to be sure. I was prepared to have them all come back negative and laugh in society's over-protective face: "See, Society? I could have been careless all along!!! What do you know?!"
Turns out a lot. Turns out that when you make the choice to not pretect yourself, you had better be darn ready to become a mommy. You hear that younger cousins??? :)
We had decided to start actively trying the following month. I had it all planned out. The timing would be perfect- we'd be due just in time for me to conduct the spring concert and our annual competition for my public school choir teaching job and then get to miss those blastedly hot June days in an un-airconditioned, delapadated school building. It was all settled. Of course, we plan and God laughs. Which means that God should have to pay a cover charge to deal with me, because I am a PLANNER.
But I digress. I took the test, brushed my teeth, put my contacts in, flipped the test over, and fainted. Well, I didn't really faint. But I felt like I could. I now understand the phrase "the room was spinning" (when gin and tonics are not involved, of course). As I showered, I tried to wrap my mind around it. I felt terrible for engaging in non-pregnant lady activities up until even a few hours ago. I was messing up already. I apologized to my tiny baby, "I'm so sorry, Baby! I had no idea! I promise I will take great care of you from now on!"
Now how is that for a secret? What an insane feeling- to be the only one in the world who knows- just you and God. Of course, my first instinct was to run and tell Ivan. Okay, that's not quite true. My first instinct was to run downstairs and tell my sister, as she was sleeping over and we have a freakishly close bond, not to mention she has been less than patient with her demands to become an aunt. (She says she has grown tired of me and wants a new little friend. Humph).
Luckily, common sense (and common decency) kicked in and let me know that Ivan needed to be the first to know. I had daydreamed in the past about a cute way to tell him when the time came, so I quickly set about putting my plan in place. After dressing and primping in record time, I set off to Target and bought both a tiny Yankees and Mets onsie, along with What to Expect When You're Expecting, Your Pregancy Week by Week, and another pregnancy test, just to be sure. I was sure the cashier would remark on my purchases, if not on my newly pregnant glow (everyone had to be able to tell, right?) but the teenage kid was oblivious and I left feeling indignant.
I spent the next hour in church, attending Mass with my sister, which, let me tell you, was the toughest hour of my life. Upon later reflection, she said I was doing a lot of praying during that hour. Mercifully, when we got home, she left right away to go pack. Thank goodness I was seeing her in a few short hours.
Upstairs in our house, I took the backup test, this time a digital version that harshly blinked "YES." No smiley face, no exclamation point, just "YES." Sheesh. I wrapped up the tests with the onsies and called Ivan upstairs to give him a "gift for vacation." When he opened the present he kind of laughed and said, "Oh, that's cute... . . . .
(pause for boy to figure out what is actually happening)...
NO WAY." I showed him the positive tests and we disolved into laughter, tears, and hugs. I think we were both shaking for a few minutes... we were completely bewildered.
I will always be grateful for the blessing of being able to see our families that day. Under the ruse of needing to borrow a cooler for the trip (we needed it anyway, but it was more of an excuse) we went to Ivan's moms' house and when there was a break in conversation (which is no small feat with this bunch!) he was able to squeak out, "So- we're having a baby." After a nanosecond of stunned silence, jubilation ensued. My sister-in-law was particularly shocked, as we had just seen each other at the party the night before and being that her Biological Aunt Clock has been ticking just as loudly as my sister's I believe she has been tracking my drinking habits for awhile now! It was so emotional. Ivan cried. We had sparlking cider. It was such a celebration.
We left there, deer in the parenting headlights still, shaking with the emotion of telling our secret and the anticipation of telling my family. By God's grace, the whole family was at my parents' house, some members stewing about our lateness. We asked my parents if they were excited for their upcoming trip to Hawaii. Then I told them, "You have one job to do while on vacation. You need to figure out what you want your grandchild to call you." Well, something like that. I was so nervous, I bumbled the words. But whatever I said got the job done because my mom's eyes flew open and she screeched, "WHAT?!" just before she embraced me. More jubulation ensued. Hugs were passed all around. Aunt-To-Be sat on the couch with her mouth hanging open. As luck would have it, my Aunt R and Uncle E stopped by no more than two minutes later, wondering why we were all standing with our hands on our mouths. There were more screams and hugs, along with a girls' pow-wow in the kitchen to discuss calendar details. My dad walked around with a dreamy smile the rest of the time we were there.
We'll never have another day like that. It was truly electric and maybe the most fun I've ever had. It's certainly up there. So I kissed my wine, Splenda, cold cuts, and unpastuerized cheeses goodbye that day and embarked on the journey to mommy-hood. But I was certainly not on my own. I have the most amazing partner in life, as well as the most loving a family you can imagine cheering me on and helping welcome our new little friend into our lives.
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